Category Archives: Columbia University

Gravity Doesn’t Exist On Planet Academia

By David Xia | Published: June 24, 2010
Yesterday I read a Times article about law schools artificially boosting students' grades to help them find employment in this tough economy. I knew grade inflation was bad, but I didn't know it was that bad. The article also links to a website that tracks national trends in grade inflation. Across the board, the average GPA in public and private schools has been creeping up since the 1960s.

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Also posted in Current Events | Leave a comment

Job-Seeking Advice I

By David Xia | Published: June 21, 2010
Attention college juniors! Right now you're enjoying summer weather, settling into your subleased apartment, and getting ready to make some dough from that sinecure of a resume-padding internship. But the summer ends and it's senior year sooner than you think. With senior year and the approach of graduation also comes the specter of "What the f**k am I going to do with my life now?"

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Also posted in Career | 1 Comment

Business School Library = MBA Meat Market

By David Xia | Published: June 20, 2010
An overheard conversation that confirmed my suspicions that the business school library isn't a place where a lot of people go for serious studying but rather a meat market for MBAs and all other types of roaming academic bipeds.

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Also posted in Comedy | Leave a comment

How I Almost Burned Down My Dorm

By David Xia | Published: June 14, 2010
The whole thing lit up faster than a Woodstock audience on 4/20.

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Also posted in Comedy | 1 Comment

Sane Person’s Sleep Schedule vs Insane Person’s

By David Xia | Published: June 12, 2010
For his semester-end statistics project, my suitemate presented the data he collected on his sleeping schedule. His sleep schedule, among his friends, is cause for either concern about his psychological well-being or reason to suspect he puts on a cape and mask and does crazy shit during ungodly hours.

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Also posted in Comedy | 4 Comments

Scariest Photo You’ll Ever See

By David Xia | Published: June 12, 2010
This is a picture of a friend’s stomach taken sideways while he’s sitting down. I know what you’re thinking, "My crotch called. It wants its pubes back."

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Also posted in Comedy | 1 Comment

Women Who Pee Standing Up

By David Xia | Published: June 10, 2010
I hear it. Oh, my god! I feel it! I was standing on a quiet, dark street. The girl pulled her underwear back up. Fortunately, nothing had splashed on me.

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Also posted in Comedy, New York City | Leave a comment

How I Got Pulled Over and Had My Identity Stolen

By David Xia | Published: May 28, 2010
Two days after I graduated from Columbia University, I was pulled over by the police for the first time and my identity was stolen. It was like life saying, "Welcome to the real world" while giving two quick jabs to my face.

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Also posted in Comedy | 2 Comments

Who the F**K is Ruth Carter?

By David Xia | Published: January 25, 2010
Most people by now have received a facebook friend request from someone they have never met.

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Also posted in Comedy | 2 Comments

Most Horrendous Gaffe Ever?

By David Xia | Published: January 11, 2010
The president of a certain female liberal arts college once compared herself to the pope and the act of endorsing a political candidate to Jews devouring Christian babies.

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Also posted in Comedy, journalism | 1 Comment

Why I Go with My Mother to Work on Vacation

By David Xia | Published: January 11, 2010
I've gone with my mother to her job these past days of winter break. If I didn't, I'd sleep till 10AM and watch TV and not exercise. Instead, my mom wakes me up at 7AM, I go to the local gym, and get a lot of work done without the distraction of the Internet. I feel very accomplished by 5PM. My mother is a molecular biology researcher at a global pharmaceuticals company. While she works at the lab bench with other oncologists on cancer drugs, I read books, blog, and sample every flavor of prepackaged espresso and tea in the lounge. On my third consecutive day at the office (more accurately described as a huge research and development complex with unique Swedish architecture), an employee finally asked me about what the hell I was doing there. Human resources employee Andrew approached me as I reached for the "Sumatran blend" flavor.

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Also posted in Comedy, holidays | Leave a comment

Columbia Students Forget Their Sanity

By David Xia | Published: December 22, 2009
Do Columbia students need to be sane human beings? What does it mean if we do?

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Also posted in Comedy | 3 Comments

Thanksgiving and a Blast From the Past

By David Xia | Published: November 26, 2009
Hopefully everyone is having a fun Thanksgiving. If you are not, sexy pilgrims singing R&B will cheer you up.

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Also posted in Comedy | Leave a comment

Evil Testing Serpent

By David Xia | Published: November 19, 2009
"There should be some serious investigations into the nature of your shit."

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Posted in Columbia University | Leave a comment

At Least You Never Pissed Your Pants During an Exam

By David Xia | Published: November 8, 2009
For 40 minutes, this college student computed harmonic oscillators and solved thermodynamic equations in his own urine.

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Also posted in Comedy | 2 Comments