Category Archives: Comedy

Creative Ways To Say “Happy Birthday”

By David Xia | Published: September 3, 2010

Ever feel like "happy birthday" is overused and cliché and just plain not creative? Feel lost when handed a birthday card to sign and don't want to be the 30th person to write a bland "happy birthday"? Then the list below is for you. Cut and paste onto the walls of Facebook friends you hardly speak or even work up the courage to say some of the more off-color examples to their face. You might lose some friends, but at least you had the gall to go out in a blaze of awkwardness.

"Hey what is all that cake for? I thought you were on diet"

"Cheer up buddy"


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Why Being John Malkovich Is Most Bizarre Movie I’ve Seen

By David Xia | Published: September 1, 2010
Being John Malkovich is one of the most bizarre movies I've ever seen. It's the story of a couple who compete over traveling into John Malkovich's head in order to use his body for sex with a callous woman with whom they're both irrationally in love. Craig Schwartz starts out as an unemployed  pupeteer who's married to pet store owner Lotte. At the nadir of this unhealthy love triangle is Craig and Lotte's love, Maxine, Craig's female colleague at his new job.

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Also posted in TV & movies | Leave a comment

Citibank’s Advice to Women: Grow a Pair

By David Xia | Published: August 12, 2010

While interviewing at Citibank, my friend stole something from the office. He doesn't know why he did it. He just did. When he showed what he filched to friends, some were outraged at Citi, others just found it strange and funny. Post your reactions below.

I find it's interesting that it's an easily digestible list of 10 excerpted from a book by a woman with a doctorate. Perhaps I should hand out copies to my female coworkers?

Some of my friends thought Citi was simply telling women "Be manly," but I disagree. The card is saying "Be more assertive." The humor comes from the fact that Citi had these cards lying on every desk in the HR department, a corporate department dominated by women in many firms.

Citi's advice to women

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Also posted in Career | 3 Comments

Real Native American or Not, a Test

By David Xia | Published: August 11, 2010
Dave Chappelle once cracked a joke about how he tested whether someone was a real Native American:

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Also posted in Nature/Outdoors | Leave a comment

Now That’s My Type of Humor!

By David Xia | Published: July 6, 2010

I like my humor just as I like my martinis - the dryer the better. Here's a list...


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Also posted in Current Events | Leave a comment

Shake, Shake It Like a Disco Stick

By David Xia | Published: July 1, 2010
Polaroid has just announced that it's entering into a "multi-year strategic partnership with Lady Gaga, who will serve as creative director for a specialty line of Polaroid Imaging products." Not a lot of details are known, according to the Journal, but we can expect sequin-covered cameras with space-age shoulder pads in late 2010.

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Also posted in Current Events | Leave a comment

Sexy Audio Plugin, Oh So Sexy

By David Xia | Published: June 30, 2010
I've just updated my Wordpress audio plugin. The only time I've ever used it was for this post on Cantonese pick-up lines. This is one of my most popular posts that always brings in a steady trickle of horny expats who've just found out their firm is relocating them to Hong Kong. "Quick! How do you say, 'Your place or mine?'"

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Also posted in Technology | Leave a comment

Business School Library = MBA Meat Market

By David Xia | Published: June 20, 2010
An overheard conversation that confirmed my suspicions that the business school library isn't a place where a lot of people go for serious studying but rather a meat market for MBAs and all other types of roaming academic bipeds.

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Also posted in Columbia University | Leave a comment

Dear Perverted Reader…

By David Xia | Published: June 14, 2010
To put it frankly: some of this shit is seriously fucked up. I'd never want to meet some of the people who are reading my posts. Why? Because these some of them searched: "biggest dildo death", "i saw mommy naked," etc.

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Also posted in Technology | 2 Comments

How I Almost Burned Down My Dorm

By David Xia | Published: June 14, 2010
The whole thing lit up faster than a Woodstock audience on 4/20.

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Also posted in Columbia University | 1 Comment

Sane Person’s Sleep Schedule vs Insane Person’s

By David Xia | Published: June 12, 2010
For his semester-end statistics project, my suitemate presented the data he collected on his sleeping schedule. His sleep schedule, among his friends, is cause for either concern about his psychological well-being or reason to suspect he puts on a cape and mask and does crazy shit during ungodly hours.

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Also posted in Columbia University | 4 Comments

Climaxed Her?

By David Xia | Published: June 12, 2010

Captcha tells me to verify I'm a human by typing "climaxed her." What are the chances of that?


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Also posted in Technology | Leave a comment

Scariest Photo You’ll Ever See

By David Xia | Published: June 12, 2010
This is a picture of a friend’s stomach taken sideways while he’s sitting down. I know what you’re thinking, "My crotch called. It wants its pubes back."

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Also posted in Columbia University | 1 Comment

Don’t Use Google Voice To Plan Conspiracy

By David Xia | Published: June 11, 2010
Another creepy thing is the fact that even though I supposedly "deleted forever" this voicemail from my Google Voice account, I can still retrieve the original audio via the link above. I don't even need to be logged into my account (which is how you can access it). Oh, the implications! I'll keep that in mind next time I have an affair, plan a price fixing conspiracy, or flood the streets of Baltimore with heroine. Yup. Definitely won't use Google Voice.

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Posted in Comedy | 2 Comments

My Uncle’s Sleeping With His Boss

By David Xia | Published: June 11, 2010
One of my uncles is a director for a Hong Kong-based fuse manufacturing firm. The CEO, a short, 66-year-old man from Hong Kong, is a demanding boss. Working for him is like being on-call as a military triage surgeon in Helmand, Afghanistan. He often sleeps in till noon, comes home at 9pm, and receives a call from the CEO shortly thereafter asking him to come play mahjong or drink tea. This means my uncle will be gone until 1 or 2am. Sometimes he doesn't come home for dinner at all. He'll go to sleep late and do it again the next day.

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Also posted in China | Leave a comment