I hear it. Oh, my god! I feel it!

I was standing on a quiet, dark street. The girl pulled her underwear back up. Fortunately, nothing had splashed on me.

I bought a $55 ticket to attend a boat cruise held every year for Columbia University seniors right before graduation. We dressed up in suits and dresses, commuted to Chelsea Piers, and enjoyed a 2 hour cruise along the Hudson River. The event was popularly called the “booz cruise.” That may have been an apt name if I didn’t have to wait half-an-hour in line for a Corona.

After the boat returned to the pier at 1AM, I disembarked and found myself in the company of three Barnard College women. We decided to cab it uptown. While walking along 22nd Street, one of the girls said she needed to find a bathroom. We looked. There were none.

“I’ve urinated in public before,” she declared.

She walked to the spot shown in the picture above. She looked around for any close passersby. There were two approaching us from the direction of the pier, but she decided they were far enough away. She asked her accomplices to provide some cover by standing in front of her. I stood downstream well out of view.

It sounded like water balloons popping.

“I hear it! I hear it!” One of the girls shouted. The other one laughed.

I looked down the block towards the two figures walking towards us. I recognized one of them and quickly turned my back towards them to avoid being seen.

“Oh, my god. I feel it!” The same girl yelled. She turned around to look at her friend.

“You’re not even squatting!?”

As we continued walking, I saw the two-foot wide splash radius. The girl, who now had a relieved look on her face, pulled out two napkins from her purse and handed one to both her friends. They started wiping their legs. Then one of them blew her nose…with the same napkin.

Most people are grossed out by this story. Strangely, I have more respect for Barnard women after this transpired. She had to go to the bathroom. So she dropped trou and just didn’t give a f**k.