Another post by youarethepan. Can anyone stop this writing machine? No, seriously. Can you? I don’t know whether to take him paint-balling and then to a monster truck rally or refer him to Victorian sonnets and kitschy Korean soaps.

In order to honor the integrity of the individuals mentioned and written about in this piece, I have changed the names, except for Elizabeth (because I don’t think she’d care or ever read this). This excerpt was also supposed to be a part of a larger piece that I will post in the near future.

I grew up with my parents telling me that I couldn’t have a girlfriend until I was in college. That didn’t mean I didn’t try. I remember my first crush being a girl at church. I was in the second grade. She was a fourth-grader. Taking after my old man¹, I wasn’t afraid of experience of a young woman two years my elder. Her name was Elizabeth, and I looked upon her as if I were a wide-eyed Mr. Darcy. I have a few salient memories from the experience of my first crush. The most salient of these took place at an elementary school event held at church for Valentine’s Day. Each student brought a small gift. I remember going to Toys-R-Us because this is where every man does all his shopping. They have all your necessities—action figures, video games—back in the day, you would pick them up behind a glass booth² after you purchase, bikes, Halloween costumes, stuffed animals, and chocolates. For Elizabeth, I went above and beyond and picked up both chocolates and a stuffed animal.

Another contribution from youarethepan.

“Guys are the scum of the Earth,” Parker thought, sipping on his Stella and eyeing the frat kid hitting on the girl across the bar. Parker couldn’t hear what he was saying to her, but he knew she was eating up every word. All the signs were there. Her back was turned, but he could tell she was giggling and looking shyly down to avoid the frat guy’s gaze. He was grinning from ear to ear. With just a few more drinks in her system, he’d be taking her back to his frat house for a romantic evening which she’d later regret.

Centennial Park is one of the local parks in my town. I often bike or walk there to enjoy its wildlife and scenery. I’ve seen snakes, deer, hawks, and tadpoles there. There’s jewelweed, rhubarb, milkweed, and bittersweet vine too.

At the back of the park, on top of a hill, there’s a bench with a plastic container filled with journals. The container’s lid reads, “A little book for your thoughts as you sit in this beautiful place.” Regular townsfolk walking with their dogs, spouses, sweethearts, or simply by themselves will sit down and share their lives.

I read Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird in tenth grade and remember Scout, Atticus, and Boo to this day. The classic novel about racial inequality, coming of age, and gender roles celebrates its 50th anniversary on July 11. If you haven’t read Mockingbird yet, do it (full text in PDF here). Then watch the black-and-white film adaptation starring Gregory Peck. And please, in that order. If my word isn’t enough, take it from everybody else.

I like my humor just as I like my martinis – the dryer the better. Here’s a list:

When I found out that Ninjavideo.net had died several days ago, I cried. For those who don’t know/behind-the-times/actually paying for televisual entertainment, Ninjavideo is website where you can stream the latest TV shows and films in great quality absolutely free.

After I wiped away my tears, I discovered books and the joy of reading. A couple of mind-numbing minutes later, I started crying again from my brain hurting after I once again tried using it after hundreds of hours of televisual-aided-gray-matter-atrophy. That and books were filled with boring ink marks instead of moving images and sounds of limbs flying off in explosions, gratuitous sex, and Big Mac ads.

China’s Xinhua News Agency started a 24-hour English-language news channel and is about to open a new office in New York City, according to the Times. The Times is once again critical of China. And they should be. China ranks 168th out of 175 countries in the 2009 Press Freedom Index, a survey compiled by Reporters Without Borders. What I don’t like about the Times article is its prejudicial sense of nationalism and simplistic view of East vs West.

The Times inflated the article by making it sound as if Xinhua Red Guards wielding hammers and sickles are about to kick down the sacred doors of Western media companies.

Krugman’s at it again in his latest Times op-ed – criticizing policy makers pushing for fiscal contraction these days. The economy does seem pretty weak at this point. The US just lost jobs for the first time in half a year according to MSNBC and the Times. The markets are down and home sales plummeted due to the expiration of federal tax credits for homebuyers.

Polaroid has just announced that it’s entering into a “multi-year strategic partnership with Lady Gaga, who will serve as creative director for a specialty line of Polaroid Imaging products.” Not a lot of details are known, according to the Journal, but we can expect sequin-covered cameras with space-age shoulder pads in late 2010.